Follow Me

It's by far the hardest thing i've ever done
To be so in love with you and so alone

Follow me where i go what i do and who i know
Make it part of you to be a part of me
Follow me up and down all the way and all around
Take my hand and say you'll follow me

It's long been on my mind
You know it's been a long, long time
I've tried to find the way that i can make you understand
The way i feel about you and just how much i need you
To be there where i can talk to you
When there's no one else around

Follow me where i go what i do and who i know
Make it part of you to be a part of me
Follow me up and down all the way and all around
Take my hand and say you'll follow me

You see i'd like to share my life with you
And show you things i've seen
Places that i'm going to places where i've been
To have you there beside me and never be alone
And all the time that you're with me
We will be at home

Follow me where i go what i do and who i know
Make it part of you to be a part of me
Follow me up and down all the way
Take my hand and i will follow you
-Follow Me, John Denver....wedding maybe?

The Road Ahead

" 'Do you feel any need to leave the Shire now - now that your wish to see them has come true already?' he asked.
'Yes sir. I don't know how to say it, but after last night I feel different. I seem to see ahead, in a kind of way. I know we are going to take a very long road, into darkness; but I know I can't turn back. It isn't to see Elves now, nor dragons, nor mountains, that I want- I don't rightly know what I want: but I have something to do before the end, and it lies ahead, not in the Shire. I must see it through sir, if you understand me.'
'I don't altogether. But I understand that Gandalf chose me a good companion. I am content. We will go together.'"
-Frodo and Sam
The Fellowship of the Ring
J.R.R. Tolkien

We're Walking Out of The Darkness and Into The Light

It's amazing how God rescues his people. We're his people. We're his beloved, and somehow, that seems impossible and perfect all at the same time. We are free. We are free from sin and death, and our freedom is more palpable and real than it's ever been. We will run towards our Savior, toward the One who was pierced, and He will recieve us as his own. It's so beautiful. Never again will we return to the dark forest of our iniquity, but we will rejoice in the life that has been purchased yet again by the blood of our King. I love you, my sister, my bride, and we shall run toward the Kingdom. That's where we're walking.

Where Are We Walking?

There's such a buzz in you heart, in your head, in your whole body-it just runs through when you have a touch from the Lord, a word from Him. It's so sweet to justknow something...in your gut....to just know it. Like knowing that you're His, like knowing somehow it'll be alright, like knowing who you're gonna marry. The Lord is changing both of our hearts, conforming them to His, moving them closer to each other....its so sweet. He's answering prayers, He's making us an us and its awesome. Obedience is better than sacrifice and rather than scrapping this whole deal when we could've when it woulda been easy, we decided instead to turn and obey. Thats sweet. Rebirth is sweet. Resurrection.....we're walking the narrow road, we got off track but just like the prodigal He welcomes us back....He wants to put robes on us and rings of gold...for His glory. It's all Him man...it's all Him. Praise Him!

When the Feeling's Gone

Man, one huge question I've been wrestling with is what to do when I don't feel like I'm followng Jesus. This is roughly the second or third time I've had to deal with this; I'm not hungry for the Word, I'm still trying to fight sin, and it's like I don't have the strength to pray, even though crazy stuff is happening. I hurt with the Bobbitts like mad, and I seem powerless to do anything. Maybe it's my own laziness...I guess I'll just try to chase God harder...

Tears Cried

Sometimes, tears mean a lot. A confession of the weakness you really have, perhaps. Maybe a strength in letting your emotion be shown, bared for the world to see, unafraid of what they think you are. A statement, meaning it's okay to hurt, it's okay to feel pain (or joy). Tears can cage, or tears can free. It's funny how God puts these paradoxical things into who we are as people. Our words mean different things, our emotions mean different things; crying can mean about five different things for me.
In the past two days, I've cried because I'm longing for a certain someone to be near me and not millions of miles away. I've cried because this person loves me so much and thinks so highly of me that I'm humbled and broken because I don't see those things in me--I see a mess, a screw-up, a man who can't control his urges, a man who's needy, self-absorbed, and easily hurt. These are the things that annoy me about myself. But she sees love, and care, and understanding, and loyalty, and courage.
I've been crying because I miss the woman I'm going to marry. Hours after I've seen her last.
Yet somehow, today, the Lord worked this thing into my heart. He doesn't demand perfection of me; he demands striving for it. He demands noticing when I'm wrong or wicked and working to fix it. Why do I try to condemn myself? Why am I so upset about her having the adventure of a lifetime without me? Why was I concerned that she was taking the place of my God?
You see, she can't. Because our lives, our dreams, are evidence that our God is where he should be in our hearts. We're serving the same King; we just happen to be doing it together. I'm excited about our future. We will live in a way that we make sure we aren't trying to hold on too tightly to what God's given instead of God Himself. There's nothing wrong with admitting we're messed up. There's nothing wrong with starting again, despite our mistakes. It's a matter of pressing forward in spite of them.
I'm excited. I want to give my life for Lady, King, and country, just like my favorite poet once wrote. I am in love with the woman of my dreams, and I will love her the way I always have as long as God gives her to me. I will love her the way He loves her, at least as best as I can in my sinful human body.
And yeah, I'll probably bawl my eyes out when she gets back.

Lasting

So on the almost almost eve of me leaving for China, I can't help but experience a little "What if he doesn't love me when I get back?" anxiety. This of course brings to mind a certain thirty day or so period where the he in question and I didn't exchange words at all. What was that like? Hard. Long. Holy. It tested and proved our desires. It strengthened my trust in the Lord and in the he. It proved a listening God, set the foundation for a strong comittment (how do you spell that?) and strengthened a lasting love. I want to beg the he to promise me he'll wait, to write me every day even though he can't send me letters, to do nothing but miss me, crawl into his sock drawer and sleep for days. I know how unfair that is. Our lives should be an adventure, I'm going to have one in a faraway place, he is going to have one closer to home. Three weeks seems like a long time, but eternity is where we reside. Let us keep our focus on that blessed hope and never take them off. Keep our eyes on Love Itself and not on time. Love is outside of time.